Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
