i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
