if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
