I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
