Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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