M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As shirtless as possible
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
