i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
