It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so that wasnt chicken after all
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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