I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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