Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
