i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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