'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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