Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
