Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
