Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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