i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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