I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
