I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
