these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
