you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
