Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
