You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
