No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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