Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
