So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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