If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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