she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
