My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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