I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
