i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
