I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
