So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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