Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
