Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
