I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
