My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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