you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
