a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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