Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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