I met the friendliest cop last night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
