It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
