i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
