if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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