I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
