They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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