She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
