Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
