i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
