So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
