this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
