oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
