Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
