I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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