was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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