I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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