i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
