Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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