Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
