so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
