Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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