she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
