Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
