the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Less talking, more tequila
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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