i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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