I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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