fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
