Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
