Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
