your parents love me but you hate me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
