Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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